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  • Would You?

     

    oh i forget : when my mum was nappy when i visited her, i make her hair by twist or braid or cornrow..i loved to take care of them..but when i came back in france, she had done a curl

    i guess if i were living with her she didn' have return in the relax again..pfff
    i wish one day i could !!

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    I would and have. I choose to wear my hair nappy, My mother does not. I have always done her hair, and my own when it was relaxed. I have cautioned her time and time again, but if that is what she wants then I can respect that. I would not do it for anyone else though, cause that is my mommy.

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    Quote: Sep 13 2004, 02:33 AM Since being natural, I've...

    But if you really respected their decision, why would you even say anything? That's so passive-aggressive. "I'll treat your hair with chemicals, but I'm going to chew you out about it." Why bother doing it at all then? Giving them a "mouthful" signifies that you do have a problem with relaxing their hair. Either do it and be silent or don't do it at all.
    i have a niece who loves relaxers and extensions. she has suffered a lot of damage over the years, especially since she's been maintaining her hair herself.

    if she asked me to put a relaxer in her hair, i would.

    the mouthful i would give her is telling her about the importance of trimming her ends with regularity, using moisturizing products, and not overloading her hair with styling products.

    i respect her personal hair style choices, but i would still educate her the best way i know how to maintaining the best relaxed hair possible.

    to me, that's not being passive aggressive. that's just being helpful.

    so you really can't assume what someone's mouthful would be.

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    You know Mel,

    Now that I am thinking about it, I don't think I could do it. I think I would have to start preaching about what they would be doing to their hair and what not...

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    Quote: Sep 13 2004, 02:33 AM Since being natural, I've...

    But if you really respected their decision, why would you even say anything? That's so passive-aggressive. "I'll treat your hair with chemicals, but I'm going to chew you out about it." Why bother doing it at all then? Giving them a "mouthful" signifies that you do have a problem with relaxing their hair. Either do it and be silent or don't do it at all.

    ITA this is what I was getting at earlier with Botanica. I don't understand why you would put something that you don't agree with for yourself in someone else's hair and then chew THEM out or send them messages about how nice a TWA would look, etc.

    People keep saying it's their choice to relax as answer to why they would do it, so if it's their choice why would you preach about the dangers of relaxers while slapping one on??

    So is it really their choice or not? :-P

    thunderstorm is right in the fact that we don't know what everyone's mouthful is, but IF your mouthful involves the dangers of relaxer or hints at nappy conversion, then you should take a closer look at what your actions are truly saying to that person.

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    Almost 4got this is too Nappturallyme

    Well i could do that IF she will let me. But she presses it sometimes and the way she pins in her wig that does some damage. She has done better on that but i do know that from the many years of her putting extreme heat of the pressing comb on her hair is what has caused some of her hair to not revert and i guess not even grow back. I'm going to ask her if she'll let me cut it and im not 100% anti-relaxer either but im stuck right now w/what other options i can do that would be fine for her. I talked w/her about putting braids in her hair but she doensn't really want that though, but then she does so im gonna pry at her about it again.

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    I would never be able to do it. I can't even bring myself to discuss hair with non-nappies. It just doesn't feel right hearing someone talk about how they need to get a touch up or get rid of their hairs.

    I'm going to be honest and say I don't respect the choice of relaxing. I'd probably go off about the evils of relaxing (AKA conforming to the white standard of beauty) if someone asked me to put a relaxer in their hair.

    BTW: My mom is transitioning.

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    Almost 4got this is too NappturallymeWell i could do...

    ok, well the twa would be a great way for her to get her hair back into shape. I don't think a relaxer would be a good option to get healthy hair. Hopefully she will be receptive to your suggestion. Good luck!

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    I couldn't do it. My SIL, on the other hand, does hair. She's natural and she styles natural and relaxed hair. She does relaxers for those who still wear relaxed hair. At first I didn't understand it. But now I just figure it's because that's what THEY want so that's what she does.

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    Yeah...I think this question is something deep. I too used to do others hair when I was relaxed and had no problem with it. And honestly if someone did ask me to do their hair, I would probably do it. Only out of respect for their choices. I mean to each their own. Not to mention the fact that it would not make sense for me to 'chew out' anyone about their processed hair because they already disagree with my hair status.

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    A few questions for those who still apply relaxer because I am curious. Do the fumes bother you at all? Do they bother you more or less since you stopped using it? Is there any evidence linking the fumes to any breathing or lung problems? I could never tolerate that smell.

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    Mel, I'm in agreement with you. I couldn't do it. After I first went natural, my best friend asked me to do her hair (because I used to do her relaxers) and I told her no. She got mad, but you know what? She got over it. She went off saying that just because I'm natural didn't mean that everyone had to be natural. I told her that that wasn't my issue at all; I simply didn't want any part of her damaging her hair and scalp. We used to sit up and complain to each other about our hair breaking off and the burns we end up with the weird puss stuff that would come out of the sores, and oh my goodness, the dandruff. I don't have those issues anymore, so we don't share those conversations anymore. I would feel like a hypocrite and I would be uncomfortable with it. If she chooses to relax, more power to her, but I don't have to help her.

    Any good relationship you have can withstand this type of decision. Otherwise, it was a weak relationship to begin with. I've seen relationships stand up through worse.

    The part that I don't understand is when did respect become synonymous with support? Just because I respect someone's decision means that I have to support it.

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    That's a good question. I think I would have "you do you and I do me" attitude about it. I don't think anyone that I know would ask me to do it in the first place even though I use to do hair, but if they did I guess I would because it's their choice. I would have to let my light so shine so they could see how good my natural hair looks. ITA that it is kinda like religion, lead by example and have the wisdom to know that it may not be meant for everyone to get the understanding or knowledge of what the chemicals can do to your hair & body. fftopic my close friend knows and sees how my hair is growing nicely & looking healthy but she recently had to cut her hair because it keeps breaking off and she told me that," oh I like my hair short", I know she hates to admit that the perm is breaking her off but it's her choice and I respect that.

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    She went off saying that just because I'm natural...

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    I wouldn't put a relaxer in anyone's head. I love my mom but I won't enable a bad and dangerous habit, which is what relaxing is, in my opinion. Plus I wouldn't want to breathe it or let my skin touch it.

    I won't buy anyone cigarettes, either.

    ~Molly~

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    My mother has relaxed hair when my hair was relaxed i relaxed her hair once she needed a touch up .
    But now i won't even be able to buy a box of this stuff for anyone
    Too dangerous
    Like Molly said it's like buying cigarette for someone you love..i know i'll be helping him have his cancer

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    This is such a good topic and it has made me think real hard about what I would do, if I was in that situation. Thank GOD that my whole family are all natural, and I was the last one to become natural and the most excited.

    I wouldn't put a perm/relaxer in anyones hair when I don't put a perm/relaxer in my own. It just wouldn't be right.

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