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  • Needing some encouragement


    So i have been growing the perm out of my hair for i think about 8 months now and i just got the last of the perm cut out last month.
    For the first few months of growing i wore extenstions (done poorly by my mom), since then i have been flat ironing my hair. My natural hair is not very long yet, not long enough to do a lot of the cute styles i've seen on the website.

    I had kind of a curly 'fro going that i did with a few rollers and some styling gel and i thought i looked pretty cute and was all set to face the world with the debut of my natural hair....

    But then my aunt and grandmother got a look at it and pretty much discouraged me from ever walking out of the house looking like i did. Then i got to thinking about work, and since i work at a medical clinic in a predominantly white suburb, thought that perhaps it wasn't the best thing at a professional setting.

    But now i'm stuck. I don't know if i should keep flat ironing it until it grows longer, b/c all the heat is damaging and it might not even grow much longer, not to mention the constant maintenance and the risk of moisture in the hair. Rain is like kryptonite.

    In addition i am a young college student and there is a lot of pressure from guys in my school who tend to only want women with the long weaves that are in the rap videos....

    Am i doomed to a life of insecurity?


    as long as you keep thinking you are doomed to a life of insecurity, YES, you will be!

    you already know the dangers of relaxers. you've already cut out the old, damaged hair. and you already know that continually pressing out your hair is going to damage it beyond repair as well. my question for you is, what's really holding you back?

    when you press out your hair, how much do you have? after 8 months of transitioning i'm going to guess that you have about 4 inches or so? not to sound mean, but that's not enough hair to be considered long. if the men at your school are caught up in the long-haired video girl image, it doesn't sound like you "fit the bill" as far as hair right now. so it doesn't sound like the LENGTH is what's bothering you... it sounds like the NAPPS are what's bothering you. if your hair was down to the middle of your back, but still nappy, would these men still be attracted to you? (think about this for a second...)

    a better question is, are YOU comfortable with the way you look with your hairs? forget the men at your school, because they do not constitue all the men in the world. unless you plan to be at that school and in that city for the rest of your life, you will have a chance to find a man somewhere else who appreciates you REGARDLESS of your hairstyle. don't worry about what your mom and grandma say. i know this is much easier said that done, but if you have decided to wear your hair nappy then that's your decision. it's on YOUR head, not theirs. and don't worry about your coworkers. if it's a predominately white suburb, they see you as BLACK regardless of how you wear your hair. (trust me, i've lived in predominately white settings most of my life.) there may be some questions at first from the ones who are ignorant/naive about black hair, but as long as your hair isn't dirty or unkept, it IS appropriate for the workplace.

    i'm not dissing you for wearing extensions, they can be a helpful protective style for your hair as you grow it out. but my challenge to you is: don't press your hair anymore. when you take your extensions out, give your hair a break. let it be nappy in all it's glory. if you can't do anything but wear a twa, then wear a twa! dress it up with a scarf or headband. do a few flat-twists or cornrows on the front half and add clips. use the curlers again for a curly fro and walk with your head held high. take it from an old flat-iron fanatic - the heat is damaging more than just your hair. a true transition is a change in your mindset.

    i hope the best for you, itaylor. please keep us updated and we will all try to help you thru this!


    Ladylibra gave excellent advice. Let me add that it is all up to YOU. Once you show others that you are confident with your natural hair, they either except it or not. Not everyone is going to like your what you do and this goes for other changes that you do in life. It's your life do what you feel is best. You must build your self esteem up first.


    I think you first need to decide if you love YOU! Are you trying to please and love yourself or live for others. Are you happy with yourself? Are you afraid of yourself?

    I ask that because if you aren't comfortable with who YOU are, you'll ALWAYS be insecure...regardless of what someone else says, does, etc. People pick up the vibes that you give off and they react to that. If you are insecure about yourself, others will sense that. To the same effect, if you are confident and secure in who you are, they will pick up on that as well.

    As for tbe males at your school. If their main concern is how your hair looks, you shouldn't waste time on them anyway. Don't spend major time on minor things.

    As for the flat ironing, STOP IT!!! You're quickly working your way back to damaging your hair. Flat ironing/pressing natural hair on a regular basis is just as bad or worse than relaxing/texturizing. If you want healthy, natural hair, STOP this nonsense. Become comfortable with who you are. Stop HIDING behind flat ironing, extenstions, etc.

    God didn't make a mistake when he created you. Don't you dare allow someone else to make you feel as if he did!~


    As for tbe males at your school. If their main...

    Excellent advice Tdhayes


    Don't spend major time on minor things.God didn't make a...

    these are great quotes, tdhayes! can i use them? very insightful!


    Thanks Jazi!

    You can use them. I'd be honored.


    So i have been growing the perm out of my...

    Everyone isn't ready for change but you are. I know that my grandmother does not like the fact that I am gooding natural but I had to "go ahead". She isn't the one looking at me in the mirror every morning.
    Plus, miss lady You should not have to do damage to please someone else.
    And as for the guys on campus...... stop ,the "real brother " will see the inside and not the outside.


    Excellent advice Tdhayes 689945...


    Such wise wise words on here already.

    Please stop the flat ironing immediately. My tool was the blowdryer and I burned my new hairs to a crisp. You said rain is like kryptonite. To permies maybe, but water is a nappy head's best friend.

    Quote:Then i got to thinking about work, and since i...

    I used to think that once interview time came around my naps were a no-no. Being on hairtipsforme helped me learn that nappy hair can be professional, formal, conservative, liberal ^_^ , anything! It's what you make it. (FYI, the Dean of Admissions at the local med school has a twa)
    Like LadyLibra said, if you wear a twa, wear it to its fullest. Headbands, cute hair pins, etc. Only by embracing what you have instead of leaning on extensions, weaves and flatirons, will you grow comfortable with your hair.


    I'm sorry i'm so completely ignorant of how to care for my own hair but what is a "twa"? secondly, i can't fit my nappy hair into any ponytail holders, but i think some of those girls updos are cute. how do you smoothe the front and keep the back nappy?


    I'm sorry i'm so completely ignorant of how to care...

    You are learning..that's what this site is for. A "twa" is a teeny weenie afro...it's what most of us had after we big chopped. You don't have to fit your hair into ponytail holders to get a puff. Check out the websites listed by various members to get ideas. A few are:

    Ini's Website

    Motown Girl's Site

    Our Hair

    Look through them. Also search this site's pages for directions...I can't recall exactly where they are but some instructions for certain styles are listed.

    Lastly, this is YOUR hair! YOU are responsible for it. Learn to take care of your hair. Learn which products DO and DON't work for your hair...which styles compliment you and which ones don't. You have a wealth of information on this website and there are PLENTY of us here to help you and offer encouragement. You aren't going to learn everything overnight. However, with patience and alot of practice, you will learn to care for your hair. I wish you the best. Give us a yell if you need anything that we may be able to assist you with.


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