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  • I Really Really Want Dreadlocks, Part Two

     

    Firstly, I just want to tank everyone for responding to my post. There were so many replies, and there are other things to consider now, so I thought that I would just start a new post.

    There were several people who said that if this is what my spirit wants, I should definitely go for it. Although I've been in and out of extensions since I was 10 or 11, it was my favorite style because it looked good on me. I felt no emotional attachment to braids, it was just something that "had to be done" if I wanted my hair to look good. This loc thing is something I can't let go; I think about it constantly and I can't wait to finally get them.

    One of my concerns is my face. I have an oval face and a kind of Jewish (sorry if this offends someone, but this is how it's often described) nose. I don't know how the short hair will suit my face. I'm wondering if a smaller loc style will do, but I'm not sure.

    Even though it was suggested that I don't know my own hair, I think I do. At the beginning of this year, I took out my braids and decided to go natural, and for a month I hot combed it. It took me a few times to figure out what products to use and how to style it--the first time it came out really poofy. But even though it was a struggle and inconvenience, some of my best times that month were the hours I spent in my room, just getting to know my hair, straightening and styling it. So, even though I don't know my hair well, I got a pretty good crash course!

    I have other insecurites. In an odd living situation, I'm living in my white boyfriend's house with his family. He broke up with me and asked me to leave, so I'm leaving soon. But I do want him back and I've made it clear to him. We've got to give it time, though. A tiny part of me thinks that he'll be less attracted to me if I get locks, and he won't want me back. I know, typical teenage drama. And yes, I'm bracing myself for all the "if he's not attracted to you when you get the style you want, you don't belong together" posts. I know. I know it's stupid, but insecurity is insecurity, uncontrollable.

    EDIT: A point of interest: although my ex is concerned about me getting a job, he says that locks look "dirty" and unkempt. He doesn't know that constant extensions can lead to hair loss, that my hair is unhealthy, and that it would be healthier probably if I got locks.
    Anyway, I'm off to look at more lock pictures and sigh with longing.

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    Did your BF really break up with you because you've decided to get locks? That's kind of shallow. I hope everything turns out alright for you, locks really are a journey.

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    Nonono, we didn't break up because of that. It was a lot of reasons, but mostly because we argued too much.

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    ^^^^^^^^

    I see, sorry to hear that, now there is no reason why you should start your locks.

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    ARMYWIFE61,

    My heart goes out to you and your dilemma.

    There is no need to rush into locking. It is a beautiful journey once the decision is finally made. Although some of us where already natural when we began to lock.. the locking process can take you through a new transition journey (besides the one you go through to return natural).

    Although locs are not 100% permanent, most go into the locking process with the intentions on staying locked. It would be a great idea if you waited perhaps, to give yourself a little more time. Time for more growth, if short hair doesn't suite you, or time to be sure that this is indeed a journey you want to embark upon... and that you are not just romanticising over the pics you see.

    Once you have made a decision ( I think perhaps you have), don't hesitate to come here to have your questions about methods of locking and how to maintain them answered.

    We are here for you.

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    EDIT: A point of interest: although my ex is concerned...

    There are different types of locks; cultivated and non. The size can make a difference in the look too. He should not generalize. Locs are kept.

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    I am sorry to hear of your breakup, and I hope you're okay. I'll admit, I'd be one of those posting "if he doesn't like you with your new style, etc...." but I won't.

    I agree you should go ahead and get locs if you're really ready. If you decide to wait awhile, try to truly get to know your hair without using heat. Locing is a journey, and you should definitely be prepared for it.

    Good luck with everything.

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    Thank you. I think I'm that much closer to preparing myself... ^_^

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    I agree with other posters who say you should try getting to knwo your nappy hair without checmicals, heat, etc. before getting locs. Regarding your BF, you're young and yioiu have soooo many options ahead of you. He's made his position clear. If you get back together fine, but if he's unresponsive, move ahead and live your life for you.

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    First off why are you seeking his approval? He kicked you out! Get your locks and keep it moving. He is not the last boyfriend you will ever have believe me. Stop wasting your youth on someone who doesn't stand by you. Why on earth would you care if he is not attracted to you if you get locks? I sound brash but I am sick of young women giving their power to boys who could care less. Stand on your own and do what makes YOU and you alone happy! <_<

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    ITA agree with you here anelson240. Why is she worried about what he thinks. He broke up with her kicked her out and here she is worrying about the fact that he wont like her locs because they are/might be dirty and unkempt. Not even together and she is here spending time and thought posting about what the heck he thinks. Way, way, way too much power. We do need to be brash and tell it like it is. If you want locs, get them. Don't worry about a job or a man. Its your hair. We need to give employers more credit. Women with natural hair are Thantoffift more popular in the workplace.

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    Sounds like to me that part of your life w/ your boyfriend is over..... Why not let your locs be the start of another chapter in your life.... Just a thought. Out with the old, on with the new mentality.... If the relationship is meant to be it will be. One thing about it you can't MAKE someone want to be with you. It doesnt matter what you do to yourself.. -_- One thing about it sis, you have GOT to do you, boo.. Love you first BEFORE you try to give your love to someone else. Locs are beautiful, you are beautiful, what a perfect combination.Beautiful locs on a beautiful woman.

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    Another thing about getting a job. Of all of the members of this loc board I'd be willing to bet that the vast majority of us have jobs so I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. I'm sure there are employers who don't like locs personally but it does not affect their hiring decisions. From what I've seen this is not an really an issue in corp. america.

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    I actually had a talk with him about my hair after we broke up. He says that even though he does think that employers will take one look at my hair and reject me, HE'S never had a problem with my looks. He says that looks don't really matter to him, and that he thinks locs would look good on me.

    Every time I think there's no hope for us...there he goes again.

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    Every time I think there's no hope for us...there he...

    This is beyond you having locks. WHY ARE YOU SNIVELING AFTER THIS BOY? Screw the hope live and keep it movin! How many times does he have to dis you for you to get a clue? HE IS JUST A MALE nothing more. Until you realize you pattern of behavior you will continue to be in this situation with another male. Be a woman and walk away have some pride and dignity!!!!! You are in a country that you have choices, start making good choices for you!<_<

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    BUMP

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    Every time I think there's no hope for us...there he...

    Okay, but previously you said "although my ex is concerned about me getting a job, he says that locks look "dirty" and unkempt."

    So, regardless of him caring about your employment situation (which clearly, honey is null and void as far as I'm concerned because if I can have a job in MY industry with locs, then ANYONE can), he's still going to see you as having some dirty, unkempt hair on top of your head.

    Not to judge, but it seems like you may want to do some soul searching in general. I mean, you're saying that you want to show a pride for your people through locs, but yet you're letting a white boy and his mom influence you because they think they're going to look dirty? That just doesn't make sense to me..

    Do YOU think that locs look dirty? Do YOU think that you won't be able to get a job? You should ask YOURSELF those questions..and decide based on your OWN answers..

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    "You can bring the horse to the water but u can't force him to drink."

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    Every time I think there's no hope for us...there he...

    May I humbly add... Perhaps this is worth posting in the Life Management Forum.

    IMO, seems that he is manipulating your emotions my dear. Clearly, this has become a topic beyond you wanting locs... Just an observation

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    AMEN!!!

    *does holy ghost dance*

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    thank you for this...

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