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    I am starting this thread, because there aren't too many good threads or websites that promote healthy sexuality for women. I think this is needed for American, especially Black American women, because people put us down for being sexual beings. I would like support and get support to black women who want to flaunt their sexuality or sensuality without judgement, or having to think about consequences for a moment. We only live once, right?

    Questions to ask:

    1. What makes you feel sexy?

    2. Whose sexiness and/or femininty (a woman) do you admire?

    3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sexy and sensual?

    4. If you could have a double life at night where you could be a "bad" girl, what kind of bad girl would you be?

    5. Greatest sexual fantasy you wouldn't dare do!

    Me....

    1. What makes you feel sexy?

    Home spas. Walking around my home with a tshirt on, however, being butt naked. Bellydancing. Knowing that I have on nice clothes, jewelry and makeup. Nice underwear, high heels and fancy stockings and pantyhose.

    2. Whose sexiness and/or femininty (a woman) do you admire?

    I love Josephine Baker. Eartha Kitt. Ginger Rogers, Claudette Colbert. Betty Davis. Joan Crawford. Vivica Fox. Angelina Jolie. All kind of sassy, brazen, mysterious and outs-spoken. To me these women were strong in their own way. At the same time, they are very feminine. I call them Glamour female canines. Oh, yeah....Grace Jones!

    3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sexy and sensual?

    Sensuality is an inner expression that uses personality. Sexuality is mixing glamour with the erotic.

    4. If you could have a double life at night where you could be a "bad" girl, what kind of bad girl would you be?

    I would like to embrace my alter-ego, but too afraid to. It would get me in jail. I always wanted to be an estate jewelry or art thief. It is the only type of crime that seems acceptable to me. I would steal the finer things in life and never get caught.

    5. Greatest sexual fantasy you wouldn't dare do!

    Sometimes I wonder about two fine men at once.

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    op:

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    Questions to ask:1. What makes you feel sexy? Fresh from...

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    I just want to add that I am bought a Bhangra DVD. Bhangra is that cool modern Indian dance seen in Bollywood movies. Currently I am throwing out clothes that do me justice and I decided to wear my good jewelry everyday from now on. Hell, I am going to bring glamour back!

    I should play Tina Turner's "Private Dancer". It's hoochie-coochie time!

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    Questions to ask:1. What makes you feel sexy?[color=#993399]DANCING IN FRONT...

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    Good topic!! Just want to add, gotta keep this discussion PG-13, though. Would hate for it to go the way of the buffalo...

    Questions to ask:

    1. What makes you feel sexy? For me...personal happiness. Being appreciated. Feeling loved. Swanky skin products, pretty perfumes, sensual fabrics that feel good on my skin. Also...seeing a good movie with someone. Stimulating discussion. It's a dozen different things that build up a "sexy" feeling in me.

    2. Whose sexiness and/or femininty (a woman) do you admire? I don't know. Sexiness and sexuality are such commodities now, most famous women just seem fake to me, but I'd have to say that the old school pin-up girls like Betty Page had something to them that I admire. I admire the sexiness of several women I know personally.

    3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sexy and sensual? Sexy is being sexually attractive, inwardly and outwardly...meaning you think you're sexy and so do other folks. Sensual is just being connected to your bodies sensations without shame, that's all. Enjoying a good meal is sensual. Enjoying a good meal with a partner and then going home and enjoying your partner...that's sexy.

    4. If you could have a double life at night where you could be a "bad" girl, what kind of bad girl would you be? Wouldn't do it. I like being a whole woman, bad and good combined to make complete.

    5. Greatest sexual fantasy you wouldn't dare do! Not answering this one...too personal, sorry...

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    Questions to ask:

    1. What makes you feel sexy? feeling like i'm nicely dressed and accessorised. feeling my bf's eyes and hands all over me. wearing sexy things just for fun or to get a reaction. getting checked out by guys i might actually be interested in.

    2. Whose sexiness and/or femininty (a woman) do you admire? My mom, India Arie, Janelle Monae, Angie Stone, lots of you lovely ladies esp. Ms. GG and Whitley Gilbert

    3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sexy and sensual? sexy takes effort, sexy can be physical and is being sexually attractive to yourself and others sensual is internal, its enjoying sensation and causing sensations..

    4. If you could have a double life at night where you could be a "bad" girl, what kind of bad girl would you be? I don't know if I could handle a double life...ultimately it would be all one anyway.
    5. Greatest sexual fantasy you wouldn't dare do! I'm not sure there's much I wouldn't dare do if provoked... I think I wouldn't mind a 3 way or having a mass "petting" session with a bunch of sexy friends... I dunno

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    Questions to ask:

    1. What makes you feel sexy?

    Looking good and being happy with what I see. Having a man look at you with passion or just being able to hold his attention and knowing that youàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢re the only thing he is thinking about.

    2. Whose sexiness and/or femininity (a woman) do you admire?

    Sexiness: Angelina Jolie, Kim Kardashian, Beyonce
    Femininity: Keri Washington, Jill Scott, Halle Berry

    3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sexy and sensual?

    Sexy is almost animalistic; It just takes over
    Sensuality is more about the connections of emotions, feelings, and all of your senses

    4. If you could have a double life at night where you could be a "bad" girl, what kind of bad girl would you be?

    Umm, I think I would be into dominatrix

    5. Greatest sexual fantasy you wouldn't dare do!

    Look at 4 and let your imagination run wild.

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    Questions to ask:

    1. What makes you feel sexy?
    I feel sexy after a nice hot shower, lotioned down, pedicure and sexy lingerie. I also feel sexy when I feel confident in an outfit and turn heads.

    2. Whose sexiness and/or femininty (a woman) do you admire?
    I think Angela Bassett is very feminine. Jada Pinkett-Smith has a quiet sexiness. Jill Scott is very feminine. I know I'm leaving someone out but this is who comes to mind.

    3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sexy and sensual?
    In my opinion sexy is a prescence, while sensual is a state of being.

    4. If you could have a double life at night where you could be a "bad" girl, what kind of bad girl would you be?
    Humm... interesting hadn't thought about that one before...

    5. Greatest sexual fantasy you wouldn't dare do!
    Public encounter in front of a glass pained window during rush hour

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    There is another thing that fascinates me. I wonder what it is like to be a Western version of a Geisha. We don't have anything like that. We only have the Bunny Ranch in Nevada, but I don't think Geishas sleep for any old body all day every day. I thought they had one lover that pays for them to be their companion. Or maybe that don't do that at all. It all just seems so glamorous.

    I am making small efforts to redecorate my bedroom. I want it to look like a boudoir. A room for sexin'! Like a small Geisha house.

    Anyone loves Tokidoki? Those cartoons are my inspriation.

    TokiDoki

    And I love Fafi too!

    Fafi Art

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    This is probably sad to say but true anyhow: I don't know what makes me feel sexy.... I need to start finding out but how? So inexperienced... and I'm really grown....

    Sigh....

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    RelaxerRehab : I feel the same way, I am so confused I am having a hard time figuring out what makes me much of anything lately.

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    1.What makes you feel sexy?
    Hmmmàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦many things. Sexy Music of courseàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦but the number one thing is I love being a mysterious minx..I donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t like my behind to be all out there the way a lot of these lil booty popping girls do. Forr me I love giving sexy glances but from a fierce pair of shades, so he sees my eyes kinda peeking over the lens part giving a glance. I also LOVE LOVE to wear maybe a very conservative suit, maybe a long shirt and jeansàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦heck maybe a hoody/baggy jeans/ and timbs yet underneath I will have the FIERCEST set of Victoria Secrets/Fredericks you have ever seen in your life. I will do this single or dating lol and I love just walking around all covered up yet I know underneath I am fire..I walk around with such self confidence and I feel like Im carrying some dirty little secret and in total control.

    2. Whose sexiness and/or femininty (a woman) do you admire?
    This is not a woman, but I admire Princeàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢s sexinessàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦because its truly about his eyes which is the same thing with meàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦however I donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t know how to handle mine because a lot of people say I give off sexiness with my eyes even when I donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t want too and I get tired of random fools coming up to me thinking I WANTED them to come holla at meàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦ill post a pic later cause my mom does the same thing actually.I admire Aaliyahàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢s sexiness because of the eyes again and she was covered up, same thing with Ciara. Also, another noteàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦I think beauty and sexy are waaay differentàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦for example Halle is beautiful and all but no matter how hard she tries I can never get a àƒ¢â‚¬à…sexyàƒ¢â‚¬à‚ vibe from heràƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦yet Janet especially back in the Day was KILLING people with her sexy, Angelina Jolie and Iman also give off a very sexy vibe to me

    3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sexy and sensual

    Hmmmàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦.to me sexy is just something natural that every person has but they have to find what makes them individually sexyàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦its takes longer for some people and some people its sooneràƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦but I think anyone can learn to be sensual in a relatively short amount of time but everyone canàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t tap into their natural sexy, sometimes it can take years/decades to find itàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦sometimes certain events have to spark women to reevaluate themselves to find their àƒ¢â‚¬à…sexyàƒ¢â‚¬à‚, such as going through a bad divorce/breakup, going to college, etc

    4. If you could have a double life at night where you could be a "bad" girl, what kind of bad girl would you be?

    Lolàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦hmm im already kind of a bad girl in terms of being kinda the àƒ¢â‚¬à…initiatoràƒ¢â‚¬à‚..I think I want to continue being that but kick it up a notch where àƒ¢â‚¬à…noàƒ¢â‚¬à‚ would not be in a guyàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢s vocabularyàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦If I wanted him to massage my feet, he would do it with no ifs ands or buts, etc, etcàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦so I guess maybe I would be kind of a domintrix lol

    5. Greatest sexual fantasy you wouldn't dare do!

    I would DEFINENTLY never do this in real life since I work in music and donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t want to ever be categorized as a groupie or disrespected by these trifling menàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦.but if the world were perfect, sex was not seen as a power tool, and women were treated equally, I surely wouldnàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t pass up a romantic evening with either Ludacris, Trey Songz, or Prince with his short behind

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    1. What makes you feel sexy?
    Good slow music makes me feel sexy. Candles. Soft touches. So do a nice set of bra and panties.(that's hard to come by for me because they don't make sturdy cute bras when you have bigguns!)

    2. Whose sexiness and/or femininty (a woman) do you admire?
    I would say Jill Scott , it just seems to come natural for her. Queen Latifah too, she just scream sexy and confident!
    3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sexy and sensual?
    Sexy is a physical thing to me(clothes, a look, words etc.), sensual is more mental, a state of mind.

    4. If you could have a double life at night where you could be a "bad" girl, what kind of bad girl would you be?
    I believe I've done all the "bad girl" things I've wanted to do. So there is no need for a double life

    5. Greatest sexual fantasy you wouldn't dare do!
    There are NO sexual fantasy of my own I wouldn't do! or haven't done

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    TrueSugar and RelaxRehab, don't worry, I was never sexy or sensual until now. And I am in my early 30s. I grew up a tomboy and I truly hated being female when I got my periods. I didn't get use to my periods until early 20s. That was 10 years of crying or being pissed off at my menstural cycle. I wanted to be male because I thought that this was a man's world and growing up girl I always wondered by my family let the males go out and play whenever they want and the girls had to be in. I suspect my family was concerned with me being raped but as a kid you just don't understand it. you just see the unfairness.

    When I entered high school, my mom being overly religious (she converted to Islam), so I had to be covered up (scarf on the head, only hands and feet exposed and I had to wear my tops and pants 2 size too big). I was like this until age 28. I never used my femininity and sexuality for anything. I wouldn't say I was masculine but I never had any allure either. I was all cereberal. I wanted everyone to know that I was my mind before my body. But slowly I accepted that I wasn't muslim (I am a theist and humanist), my hair is out, although I dress more feminine and wear clothes that are the correct size for my body, I am not overtly sexual. I am now discovering my sexuality. I am getting rid of the religious guilt. It doesn't matter if you are muslim or christian, many of our religious institutions talk about how the female form is causing and creating sin and temptation for men. I never heard so much "going to hell" talk for women then men.

    I am getting rid of all these negativities concerning women and being female. I have the right to embrace my femininity, sexuality and sensuality, because the men are surely embracing theirs.

    So dont' worry, you will find yours. The very first thing the truly helped me in the beginning is spending a whole month, searching for the best perfume that had the smell of the woman I would like to be. Just sniff the scents and think about what type of woman (fashion, clothes, lifestyle, sexuality, etc) would wear that perfume. Then the next month, go to Aveda, BB&W and Body Works, Victoria Secrets and drugstore to find the perfect body wash that you feel will make you feel sexy when you take a shower.

    What end up happening is slowly is that you would want to dress in a way according to the perfume you are wearing. Let's say you are wearing a super sexy perfume with a hint of strawberry scent, you can't wear jeans and tshirt with that! Slowly you still start to feel weird wearing a beautiful fragrance but looking so casual and boring. So over a period of a year or two, you will slowly change your wardrobe tht would match your fragrance.

    After that, I moved on to pampering my skin. Some member posted this site because it has a great skincare board. Make-up Alley - Free membership Women buy skincare, bath products, nail products, hair products, fashion, fitness products and they give consumer reports on what they buy and even suggestions on what to buy or not to buy due to quality. Join....it changed my life. They even have a perfume board.

    Another thing, create an alter-ego for yourself. Get a small notebook and write down all the women in the media that you are fascinated by for doing things you would not. Give your alter-ego a name, what she would look like and things that SHE would do. Then, slowly start to become your alter-ego.

    My alter-ego?
    She has love affairs with rockstars, world famous artists, and rich men. She travels around the world. She tries to wear the best things in life. (but is not name brand concious.) Is a great bellydancer and takes stripper's lessons. Speaks two foreign languages. Has a toy dog, or baby monkey. She is outrageous and sexy at the same time.

    Basically, my alter-ego emulates Grace Jones. She was one outrageous beyotch. Sexual, blackity-black and didn't give a damn. ....

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    wow grace jones looks fabulous.

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    Hmmmàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦many things. Sexy Music of courseàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦but the number one thing...

    I am not sure if this makes me a groupie or not, but I would like to persue a few of my music idols. Since I don't work in the music industry, I don't care what anyone thinks. Yeah, I know of a few people who work in the music industry and it is so hypocritical. One musician who was an associate of someone I know had the nerve to ask me if he and his DJ could stay at my place while he was in my city performing for 5 days. I said, no and gave him a list of hotels he could go to. Yes, I would like to hang out with a few celebs, but at my own terms that has some commons sense.

    Maybe if this person comes back in town, I will invite him to my house at a party, but not to stay over. I don't even like him. He just knows someone I would like to meet.

    I always wanted to be part of the lifestyle and rich & famous. That is my aspiration. Yes, I know that people are people and nothing in this life is truly glamorous, but it is just a head trip to know that I can go in and out any social circle that I desire.

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    Hi, menat:

    thank you for your contributing to jump-starting this process for me.... As I have been thinking about this, what came to mind is that I do like to smell good....

    Yet it seems that whenever I feel/think I smell good, it's rare that a brother will comment on my "scent".... Usually the sisters will say "you smell good" and I'm like "thank you" but in my mind I'm like "eh"

    I can think of one instance where this one brother from church who I think as quite the knack for making a woman feel very "Special" (he's married, though), complimented me on my perfume so I do try to keep that particular scent in stock....

    I haven't taken the time to treat myself to such perfume treatments.... How to get started?

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    That is because what men and women like are two different things. Men like perfume with vanilla in it. I used to wear a pure vanilla perfume from some apothecary and I had lots of men give me compliments. Even gay ones.

    Chanel Gardenia
    Hanae Midori
    Poison
    Micheal Kors
    Boucheron

    They have vanilla. There are probably more, but I know that these for sure do.

    Go to Makeup Alley, register and ask the fragrance board on what perfume has vanilla in it and which got the most compliments from men.

    The second popular scent that men like are sweet potatos.

    Women like flowers and fruity notes. Not a favorite for turning on a man's libido.

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    Right now its all about getting back to the basics. I really that for some time I felt that I did not have the righut to feel either, and now I know better its all about taking baby steps for me right now.

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    Well, I am trying to gain my right to be whatever society says I shouldn't be. One was growing up, shaking your hips. You may not have done it intentionally, but people want you as a woman to walk like carboard in order to not be a perceived slut.

    I am trying to walk with a shake. Not an outlandish twist to my hips, but try to make it natura. Sometimes i forget to do it intentionally, but I know when I do do it, I feel sexier.

    So my goal is to have shake when I walk. Almost think of myself as a model on the runway.

    Another thing add some pink, lavender or red, because those colors I noticed help me to feel either pretty, feminine and/or sexy. I used to hate pink while growing up but now I love it in the past year. Brings back a girly feeling. I don't have pink clothing, but I wear pink polish on my nails and does and a lipstick with a little pink in it.

    You can start off by buying pink, lavender or red sleep outfits. Or decorate your bathroom with these colors like starting with bath curtains and work yourself up to other bathroom accessories. I don't have these colors in my bathroom but I fixed my bathroom up within 4 months that it almost look like something from Elle Decor. It makes me feel extra special grooming myself in the morning and evening.

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    I am making small efforts to redecorate my bedroom. I...

    I am looking for women that make a statement to me, music that about loving yourself, and redecorating my room.

    Menat : I love the Gesha look and boudoir look I think combining them would be great, but how do you get that style on a serious budget. I am thinking of doing my room in blue, orange, and purple.

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    Girl, I go to Target and I don't buy everything all at once! It might take you a year, a two or a three to get the type of home you want. Because you won't see everything that grabs you in order to buy all at once anyways.

    I said to start off with bathroom first, because bathrooms are easier to decorate first, especially on a low budget. I think the bedroom comes second and then slowly move on to your frontroom.

    I think overall, I spend up to $200 on my bathroom. I am working on my bedroom now. I bought two one panel courtains for $40. I couldn't afford to buy both at the same time, because I thought the package gave two panels in the pack. I wasn't reading right. I discovered the mistake when I got home. So I had one panel and a week and a half later when money came in I bought the other. They are all white.

    If you like rugs near your bed, Target sells them for $25 in the kids bedroom aisle. And they are big and feel very soft on the feet. I didn't buy one, because I am unsure of my color scheme, but they have a cute one that is white with tiny pink flowes with a pink border.

    I think I want an all white bedroom with bright accessories that are candy colored (pink, turquoise, lime green). I call them popscicle, sorbet colors.

    Don't worry, this stuff takes time to do. We are not Oprah were we have enough money to pay someone to re-decorate our homes within 48 hours. Just every paycheck, promise yourself to spend $20 on decorating your home, after you figured out a color scheme and visual theme to shop around.

    For $ 20 bucks you can buy lots 4 bathroom accessories to help organize your shower area. Doing a little consistently = a lot.

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    ^^ i highly recommend THRIFT/VINTAGE STORES TOO!!...especially if youre in the NYC area...

    but heck ive found the greatest stuff in these places that are hecka cheap...will take longer to find what ya need butttttt you could find a true diamond in the rough

    ha back on topic: Ive noticed that some of us have fantasies of being with multiple men at once...I find this interesting because IVE had the same fantasy but I always thought something was SERIOUSLY wrong with me because of those ideas...In our society its perfectly ok and accepted for a man to fantasize about being in a threesome with two other women with stuff in music videos/movies/talk shows, etc.....but you rarely see anything about a woman being desired by two or more men and if they are its always a negative thing like she's a skank or something...and if you do discuss those feelings youre perverted or a "freak".....

    i dont get American society though...they want us to have babies and/or have committed relationships yet dont want us to do anything to attract people to give us those babies/relationships...im pretty sure me walking around like a man dressed in a muumuu, bible in my hand, no makeup,penny loafers, smelling like god knows what isnt going to attract my Prince Charming but if i show even one smidgen of being sexy and sensual, i'm a "slut"....THANKS AMERICA!

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    Well, the two men thing is influenced by porn, of course. But it took me years to see it as okay. When I first saw porn with a woman with two men, I was shocked, because the first thing that came into my mind was "Doesn't she feel like she is being raped?" Even though most porn is consentual sex, but regardless, when you think of more than one man, somehow rape comes up in your mind.

    But really, I can't imagine myself doing it...well, not alone. It's like I need a group environment for that. Orgies and swinging does not interest me at all, but for comfort it would be like a need another female there just for "safety". Weird! Because with consentual sex, why I need a guardian present. It is that whole rape concept. However, men don't feel that way when they have more than one woman around. Actually, they want a rape scenario with multiple women, (multiple women sexually attacking him). It is funny how our mind works, but I understand it. We are conditioned or have witnessed gang rape as women. So perhaps multiple men reminds us that we can be overpowered by not one man but two.

    It is ashame how society messes up our sexuality as women.

    But I like what you said. I have a friend who is 4 months pregnant by a guy she just met 5 months ago. She had no problem having sex with him for just knowing him for less than a month, but now that she is pregnant, she doesn't want to have sex with him anymore (he finds her sexually desirable being preggers). She told me that she is pissed off because he wants to invite her to his place to get intimate and she is refusing, because she is a Godly woman. So being a woman of God now, she won't have sex with him ever again unless he marries her now. I just that that was cow dung. No she didn't become a Born Again Christian after her pregnancies. She was suppose to have been a Born Again Christian before she slept with him in the first place.

    Now Miss Goldly Woman thinks it is wrong to continue a sexual relationship with him once she already gave up the coochie. Ugh. This mess kills me. I almost feel that I don't want to be her friend anymore. I don't mind a person being religious, but it is funny how women put shame into sex after the fact, but there was no shame beforehand.

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    1. What makes you feel sexy?

    Certain scents and certain songs. Since I don't wear perfumes (only lotions) I like a couple of the Victoria's Secret scents such as Mood: Sweet Craving, Very Sexy for Her, Body by Victoria, and Pink. The songs that make me feel sexy are D'Angelo's Untitled, Prince's Satisfied, Adore, On the Couch, Shhhh, and Insatiable, Adina Howard's Nasty Grind and to be honest 2pac's How Do U Want It and Lloyd's I Don't Mind and Ying Yang Twin's/Avant's Bedroom Boom.
    Also, when I wear stilletos and have the smoky eye makeup thing going on.

    2. Whose sexiness and/or femininty (a woman) do you admire?

    Beyonce is super sexy when she is performing (Sasha). Rosalyn Sanchez and Melyssa Ford are also admirably sexy. I think Tracee Ellis Ross is really feminine, as are Jennifer Love Hewitt and Lela Rochan.

    3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sexy and sensual?

    Personally, I only think of sensual in terms of in the bedroom. Using feathers and silks scarves is sensual. So is using food and music and scented candles. Bubble baths, dancing. I guess anything that involves the five senses during foreplay is what makes me think of sensuality.
    Sexy is any time, any place, for any one. It's a look, a walk, a scent, a style of dress, an attitude. Those can all be sexy. Rehearsed sexiness is a big turn off and to me, is silly.

    4. If you could have a double life at night where you could be a "bad" girl, what kind of bad girl would you be?

    I'd be a stripper/exotic dancer at a high end club or just do private parties. I found out stripping wasn't glamorous when I was watching Jenny Jones and she did a day in the life of a stripper, and mostly the only dudes at the tables were 70+, obese, and/or ugly. So, in my "double life/bad girl" dream, I would strip at clubs that only athletes, musicians, and wealthy business professionals frequented. That would be hot.

    5. Greatest sexual fantasy you wouldn't dare do!

    A threesome I guess. But with another girl and a guy. I've never had the me and 2 guys fantasy. But the "wouldn't dare do" part is true.

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    Questions to ask:1. What makes you feel sexy?- Clothes that...

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    On another topic, a nap gave an example of how her grandmother asked how she would treat herself if she was as pretty as she wanted to be... she gave examples and grandma suggested that she treat herself as such( cannt remember the rest) but i realized that if I made a list it would be different from how i treat myself now.............still working on list.l

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