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    so i am in a group on myspace that is about interacial relationships between black women and white men.. i guess before i explain it the reason i like interacial relationpshis is because i find same race relationships are borring. you know what you look like and it's the same as the person your daiting. i like variety and difference. daiting someone of the same race is to much to me is daiting me but a different personalitiy. i like differences.lol anyway, i asked the huge question, are the men okay with nappy hair or does it have to be straight or extensions. i find it funny because mainly females have been responding and it's not directed towards them. so far the guys are saying that they really don't know because the girls they have been daiting have only been straigthend or added hair. but i was surprised that they seemed accepting to try a all natural black lady. but the women seem very mesmorized by what society views as pretty. here are some of their resopnses:
    1.au natural most of the time but i do perm it from time to time(i don't view that as natural because your going back and forth and i would think that would be a huge strain for your hair)

    2.Hmm...actually I just do the perm thing, and have been for a while and it hasn't given me any issues I mean, except when I was really really young, and I got one and my hair broke off, but now I have no problems...and you have to have the right hairdresser, that isn't hell bent on making your hair bone straight...Well anyway I was talking to my boyfriend, he happens to be white, and he prefers the non-nappy hair, and he doesn't like the extension thing, and I also happen to not like any of these methods...So like I siad I do the perms and I'm happy with it...(PURE example here on her rejecting her own self)

    3.I can't embrace my head being nappy all over. It doesn't mean I don't accept what God gave me and so forth. It is just easier to comb and easier to style. That is how I look at it.

    thoughts? do you get this alot when you have a discussion like this with others.. it just seems like they rather follow what society says you should be and misinformation that is given about it. so far it's WAY easier with my transitioning hair than my peremed hair ever was.

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    My best friend always say that her head is too big to go natural, she wouldn't know what to do with it, etc... I just agree with her. After trying to show her the light, I'm exhausted!

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    DP

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    I think that it is common for women that haven't transitioned mentally to blame it on the fact that permed hair may be easier to comb, or that they don't have the head for natural hair. Some may even blame it on their man's preferences. My husband is white, and at first he didn't care for me cutting all of my hair off. But I look at it this way, I would rather have lots of beautiful natural hair, instead of a little bit of p*ermed damaged, broken off hair. He didn't understand it at first, but now after I have been natural for about a year, he loves that I am being myself 100%. He thinks that it looks better on me and he likes the fact that I don't have to spend lots of cash on a hairstyle or that I don't have to buy hair. He can actually spot a weave on a woman from a mile away, and the other day he complemented a girl that worked at Wendy's about her hair. He came home and told me about how he asked her if she put chemicals or weave in her hair, she told him no, and he said to her that it looks pretty because it all hers and natural. He has caught wind to what natural beauty is really all about. So to those that straighten their hair for a man; that man may not know that he would actually prefer natural hair because they are so used to seeing straight hair and not the beauty of what God us.

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    Quote:
    so i am in a group on myspace that is about interacial relationships between black women and white men.. i guess before i explain it the reason i like interacial relationpshis is because i find same race relationships are borring. you know what you look like and it's the same as the person your daiting. i like variety and difference. daiting someone of the same race is to much to me is daiting me but a different personalitiy. i like differences.lol anyway,
    A little off topic, but I find this strange. You want these women to accept their natural hair but you don't accept men of your own race because they are "boring" and you like "variety". They don't accept their hair because they think it's hard to manage and not beautiful, but you don't care for Black men because they look like you, a Black woman. Instead you prefer White men. So, why do have an issue with these women? Personally I'm open to dating men of my own race and men outside of my race. It's seems strange to segregate yourself dating wise form your own race especially considering the race relations in this country.

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    so i am in a group on myspace that is...

    A little off topic, but I find this strange. You want these women to accept their natural hair but you don't accept men of your own race because they are "boring" and you like "variety". They don't accept their hair because they think it's hard to manage and not beautiful, but you don't care for Black men because they look like you, a Black woman. Instead you prefer White men. So, why do have an issue with these women? Personally I'm open to dating men of my own race and men outside of my race. It's seems strange to segregate yourself dating wise form your own race especially considering the race relations in this country.

    ITA

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    so i am in a group on myspace that is...

    A little off topic, but I find this strange. You want these women to accept their natural hair but you don't accept men of your own race because they are "boring" and you like "variety". They don't accept their hair because they think it's hard to manage and not beautiful, but you don't care for Black men because they look like you, a Black woman. Instead you prefer White men. So, why do have an issue with these women? Personally I'm open to dating men of my own race and men outside of my race. It's seems strange to segregate yourself dating wise form your own race especially considering the race relations in this country.

    ITA.

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    WOW. I'm gonna let the first part go. Where are my Culture peeps today? Hmm..

    Anyways, I understand the sentiments of the second and third. Many women do think men won't be attracted to them if they have natural hair. And many women think natural hair is hard to comb. They don't know for sure, but it's something they assume. I had fears when I went natural. The only thing wrong with it, is not overcoming it. If they wanna go natural, they'll do it in their own time.

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    ...

    *Sigh* If you donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t want a woman with nappy hair, then donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t date a black woman. (yeah yeah I know; not all black women have nappy hair). Iàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢ve never had a boyfriend but the first man (of any color) to tell me he doesnàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t like nappy hairàƒ¢â‚¬à‚¦. Letàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢s just say that my mother better not be near _twak: .

    The way black people think nothing of it to conform to someone elseàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢s standards just baffles me. Itàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢s almost like breathing. WTF? We just accept it when people of any àƒ¢â‚¬à‹œraceàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢, including our own, tell us our genetic makeup is flawed.

    Bottom line, if you donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t want my nappy hair, you better not want my black azz either. Nuff said. <_<

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    Anyways, I understand the sentiments of the second and third....

    I agree...I've had women say to me, "Oh it looks good on you, but I couldn't do it," "My hair is too nappy," "It takes too much time to do," or even something like "I think I look better with straight hair."

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    so i am in a group on myspace that is...

    A little off topic, but I find this strange. You want these women to accept their natural hair but you don't accept men of your own race because they are "boring" and you like "variety". They don't accept their hair because they think it's hard to manage and not beautiful, but you don't care for Black men because they look like you, a Black woman. Instead you prefer White men. So, why do have an issue with these women? Personally I'm open to dating men of my own race and men outside of my race. It's seems strange to segregate yourself dating wise form your own race especially considering the race relations in this country.

    lol, I agree with natural forever. I think you need to do some serious soul searching. If you would have said you prefer white men, I wouldn't even have commented on your post, but to say you wouldn't date black men because its boring? I don't understand you. ( and you might not understand yourself) lol, so all the black men are like you but with different personalities? okay.......People are people. Black and white people comes in different shape, complexion, size, etc. I seriously doubt that all black men looks like you.

    "it just seems like they rather follow what society says you should be and misinformation that is given about it." You've said this in reference to women who prefers their hair straight. To me, at least these women seems to have a valid reason for wanting their hair straight. But as for your reason do dating only white men, its a little close minded and you need to work on that.

    Well hey, other people might say that I am close minded for not accepting your reasoning but at least I'm not catagorizing millions and saying they are all like myself

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    so i am in a group on myspace that is...

    A little off topic, but I find this strange. You want these women to accept their natural hair but you don't accept men of your own race because they are "boring" and you like "variety". They don't accept their hair because they think it's hard to manage and not beautiful, but you don't care for Black men because they look like you, a Black woman. Instead you prefer White men. So, why do have an issue with these women? Personally I'm open to dating men of my own race and men outside of my race. It's seems strange to segregate yourself dating wise form your own race especially considering the race relations in this country.

    ITA

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    so i am in a group on myspace that is...

    A little off topic, but I find this strange. You want these women to accept their natural hair but you don't accept men of your own race because they are "boring" and you like "variety". They don't accept their hair because they think it's hard to manage and not beautiful, but you don't care for Black men because they look like you, a Black woman. Instead you prefer White men. So, why do have an issue with these women? Personally I'm open to dating men of my own race and men outside of my race. It's seems strange to segregate yourself dating wise form your own race especially considering the race relations in this country.

    lol, I agree with natural forever. I think you need to do some serious soul searching. If you would have said you prefer white men, I wouldn't even have commented on your post, but to say you wouldn't date black men because its boring? I don't understand you. ( and you might not understand yourself) lol, so all the black men are like you but with different personalities? okay.......People are people. Black and white people comes in different shape, complexion, size, etc. I seriously doubt that all black men looks like you.

    "it just seems like they rather follow what society says you should be and misinformation that is given about it." You've said this in reference to women who prefers their hair straight. To me, at least these women seems to have a valid reason for wanting their hair straight. But as for your reason do dating only white men, its a little close minded and you need to work on that.

    Well hey, other people might say that I am close minded for not accepting your reasoning but at least I'm not catagorizing millions and saying they are all like myself

    i love how just with every person, they have to skip the main point of the discussion that's at hand and nit and pick at everything.

    there are some black men that i find attractive. but is it a problem that i seek others outside of my race? not for me. i am open to daiting black men, the right one that fits my personality etc etc. i never quite like explaining myself because i'm not verbose and it's hard for me to put what i mean in words and it usually comes off as wrong. but to me i'd rather date someone of a different culture to learn theres and expereince something new than black black black all the time especially when i can learn about my own culture and should know about my own culture by myself. all i'm saying is that i like to spice up my life and my daiting choices and not limit myself to just one race where apparently alot of you girls do from your comments..

    what does ITA mean?

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    Quote:
    so i am in a group on myspace that is about interacial relationships between black women and white men.. i guess before i explain it the reason i like interacial relationpshis is because i find same race relationships are borring. you know what you look like and it's the same as the person your daiting. i like variety and difference. daiting someone of the same race is to much to me is daiting me but a different personalitiy. i like differences.lol

    I can't even comment on the rest of your post cuz I'm kinda stuck on the logic here.

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    this sounds nutty.

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    so i am in a group on myspace that is...

    Note that you indicated that you preferred dating outside your race because you found dating Black men to be "boring" that is why people are raising eyebrows at your post because it seems contradictory to criticize these women who refuse to wear their natural hair but you indicated that you liked dating outside your race because you found men of your own race to be "boring" and that they looked like you.

    In my original post I said that I was open to dating men of my own race and outside of my race but I don't believe that that someone is "limiting" themselves by not dating someone who is non-Black.

    Do feel the same way about White or men of other races who choose to date only within their race?

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    so i am in a group on myspace that is...

    A little off topic, but I find this strange. You want these women to accept their natural hair but you don't accept men of your own race because they are "boring" and you like "variety". They don't accept their hair because they think it's hard to manage and not beautiful, but you don't care for Black men because they look like you, a Black woman. Instead you prefer White men. So, why do have an issue with these women? Personally I'm open to dating men of my own race and men outside of my race. It's seems strange to segregate yourself dating wise form your own race especially considering the race relations in this country.

    lol, I agree with natural forever. I think you need to do some serious soul searching. If you would have said you prefer white men, I wouldn't even have commented on your post, but to say you wouldn't date black men because its boring? I don't understand you. ( and you might not understand yourself) lol, so all the black men are like you but with different personalities? okay.......People are people. Black and white people comes in different shape, complexion, size, etc. I seriously doubt that all black men looks like you.

    "it just seems like they rather follow what society says you should be and misinformation that is given about it." You've said this in reference to women who prefers their hair straight. To me, at least these women seems to have a valid reason for wanting their hair straight. But as for your reason do dating only white men, its a little close minded and you need to work on that.

    Well hey, other people might say that I am close minded for not accepting your reasoning but at least I'm not catagorizing millions and saying they are all like myself

    i love how just with every person, they have to skip the main point of the discussion that's at hand and nit and pick at everything.

    there are some black men that i find attractive. but is it a problem that i seek others outside of my race? not for me. i am open to daiting black men, the right one that fits my personality etc etc. i never quite like explaining myself because i'm not verbose and it's hard for me to put what i mean in words and it usually comes off as wrong. but to me i'd rather date someone of a different culture to learn theres and expereince something new than black black black all the time especially when i can learn about my own culture and should know about my own culture by myself. all i'm saying is that i like to spice up my life and my daiting choices and not limit myself to just one race where apparently alot of you girls do from your comments..

    what does ITA mean?

    I agree with you also -- Dating "others" bring you in contact with someone who have had a different cultural experience and thus make them more interesting and alluring. I tend to be drawn to people of different races also for that reason.

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    WOW. I'm gonna let the first part go. Where are...

    I agree...I've had women say to me, "Oh it looks good on you, but I couldn't do it," "My hair is too nappy," "It takes too much time to do," or even something like "I think I look better with straight hair."

    Ok this really bothers me, the "Oh it looks good on you..." people need to understand that going natural is not just a fad or just another hairstyle, but more a emotional journey and a deeper committment to ones self.
    I had a friend who told me that natural is a state of mind and she believed herself to be natural with her ultra permed brittle relaxed hair. What?
    She couldn't be serious, but she was, I have just come to the conclusion that you can't make people understand. We can just tell them everything we know, but they will have to find out on their on.

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    *Sigh* If you donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t want a woman with nappy hair,...

    I LOVE IT

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    well, punkin,

    if you dont want them to talk about it, dont post it... unwritten rule in the hairtipsforme hand book

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    Jessica I am not here to either agree or disagree with your personal choices or feelings, I would like to offer some advice to you though. Please do not post something on a public board unless you are ready for people to comment on it.

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    is right, assuming that you two weren't talking...

    just quoting this for further emphasis. If you put something out there for people to respond to then folks are gonna give their opinions, like it or lump it.

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    1.au natural most of the time but i do perm...

    Well I have been dating my white boyfriend for a few months now and I have always had a big, chunky afro...which I think he quite likes since one of his favourite things to do is to "touch the afro". Sometimes it's twisted, sometimes its in a puff and sometimes when I wake up in the morning it is mashed up on the side of my head! now truth be told he has told me he would not be averse to seeing me with it straight or with braids every now and then but that's just a matter of variety and wanting to see what I look like with different styles. Trust we went through this last point in detail-we had to do the whole "either you accept me as I am etc." before I was convinced. a lot of people (okay white folk) just don't understand what the whole natural hair vs. permed hair thing means. He certainly didn't-he just thought it was like changing my clothes or something. Anyway beyond that it has never really been a point of discussion between us. he likes me, he likes my hair. I will consider it true progress when he can help me clear it out! hope this helps the ladies who wanted to know.

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    i love how just with every person, they have to...

    Mmkay, what does intercultural dating have to do with interracial dating per se? If you rather date people of different cultures, fine, but you donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t have to make it a race thing. For me dating a white Dutch man would be just as intercultural as dating an African-American man. And I would have more in common culture wise with a white Surinamese man than most black men across the globe. One experience doesnàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t necessarily exclude the other. And you donàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢t have to date a man of a different culture to come in contact with other cultures. Iàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢m not knocking anybodies choices, itàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢s your life. It just seems a little weird, but maybe itàƒ¢â‚¬â„¢s me.

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    i love how just with every person, they have to...

    Jessica,

    You shared too much personal info, which opened you up for judgement and scrutiny. Had you started off (and ended) with your point, you woulda been safe. Many folks got stuck on the "Black men are boring" comment, and remained stuck, from that point on. You lost them.

    This is a forum, frequented by folk who are definitely "Pro-Nap" and "Pro-Black". Your comment was gonna get "whacked" àƒ¢â‚¬â hard. Plus, we all don't know each other. People either take what you say, at face value, or they "read stuff into" what you say (which is very common).

    Yes, you are free to speak (to a certain degree). But, you gotta accept the consequences, when you forget that you are NOT in your living room, on a Saturday nite, with people who know you.

    Don't forget that.

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    Quotting Jessica"i love how just with every person, they have to skip the main point of the discussion that's at hand and nit and pick at everything.

    there are some black men that i find attractive. but is it a problem that i seek others outside of my race? not for me. i am open to daiting black men, the right one that fits my personality etc etc. i never quite like explaining myself because i'm not verbose and it's hard for me to put what i mean in words and it usually comes off as wrong. but to me i'd rather date someone of a different culture to learn theres and expereince something new than black black black all the time especially when i can learn about my own culture and should know about my own culture by myself. all i'm saying is that i like to spice up my life and my daiting choices and not limit myself to just one race where apparently alot of you girls do from your comments.."

    Who said that it was a problem to date outside your race? Me personally, I've dated different races. My first boyfriend was white. My fiance is Arab, lol. I never limited myself to certain groups because people are diffferent, regardless of race. That's what makes people unique. But for me to day that I wouldn't date my own race, that's just something else.
    FYI You don't have to date people just to learn about their culture. There are plenty of other ways to go about this. You could go to the library, get a book about certain cultures, make friends, have dicussions, etc. I don't mean to pick on you, but that is a lame A** excuse. I'd accept that if the white men were from Europe, Africa, or other countries beside America, so you would actually be learning about a new culture. But I am guessing you mean the "white American" culture You don't get enough expose of it living in America so you have to date them to find out...okay....
    I hope you not limiting yourself to white men, and is open to other races as well, such as Asians ( Chinese, Indians, etc) Persians Arbas, etc... Those would counts as interacial dating too :P
    ( I am making the assumption that you date white men because of your comment and the topic/forum on myspace.com) Just keep in mind that "black people" comes from different countries, continents, cultures, etc, that we are not all the same as you, and can also teach you about other things as well as any other races.

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    I hate reading on forums where black women say natural hair is unmanageable. <_< These women have had perms or suffered through flaming hot tools of torture all their lives, so they really don't know. They are just regurgitating what they heard from parents and grandparents and continue to live the lye. One woman said it would take 3 hours to detangle afro hair. I think that shows just how much she knew. I have short hair, but nevertheless it only takes about 20 minutes if even that much to detangle and I only do it 2 or 3 times a month.

    And my mom who has greasy burnt hair says burning the hair straight will make it more manageable. My hair is very manageable and a lot healthier than my p*ermed or burnt hair ever was.

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    And my mom who has greasy burnt hair says burning...

    You are assuming that the women don't know what its like to have natural hair, but you and many people forgets that these women were not born with permed hair It was natural before it got hotcombed, or before it got permed. So they may not be regurgitating what they heard, but going by experiences. Why couldn't it have taken her three hours to detangle her fro? Just because it only takes you 20 minutes that doesn't mean its the norm. I know that it takes me at least an hour after I wash my hair to detangle and braid it for a couple of days, and I do that about twice a week, 8 times a month. To me natural hair is not "unmanageable", but compare to permed hair, its more so. For me that's not an issue, I love my natural hair and if I have to put in extra time and care to take care of it, why not. If other women wants to fry their hair and scalp, because its makes their hair more manageable, well hey, why not?

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    "it just seems like they rather follow what society says...

    I agree with everyone. You kinda put yourself out there with this one. Also, I don't understand y black people in general who date interacially feel as though they need to verify if the white person will "accept" their African features. If i have to go through all that..(which we sometimes have to with our own race) I don't need to be with that man. when I was going to my permie stylist. There was an attractive middle aged woman, very financially successful woman who was married to a white guy. This woman came in EVERY THREE DAYS to make sure that no new growth showed. She was losing her hair because she wanted my stylist to burn her hair as straight as possible. I was transitioning then and my stylist told her that she should think about going natural because her hair was breaking so bad and she pointed out that I was going natural. Of course the woman looked in disdain because her whole point was to keep her hair as straight as possible to keep her white husband from knowing that she had NAPS! My question is didn't he KNOW that her hair was not naturally straight when he married her? If I have to do all that..which many black women married to white men do..then I don't need a relationship like that.
    My point with the story is although you are natural, it seems that you are seeking to find if it will be considered ACCEPTABLE in your dating search.
    Just my 2 cents!

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    My best friend says the same thing and she is...

    A little off topic, but I find this strange. You want these women to accept their natural hair but you don't accept men of your own race because they are "boring" and you like "variety". They don't accept their hair because they think it's hard to manage and not beautiful, but you don't care for Black men because they look like you, a Black woman. Instead you prefer White men. So, why do have an issue with these women? Personally I'm open to dating men of my own race and men outside of my race. It's seems strange to segregate yourself dating wise form your own race especially considering the race relations in this country.

    ITA. You like what you like and that is cool I think it is insane for you to care about what these women do with there hair when it is obvious that you haven't excepted who you are yourself. There is variety in black men they come in all different shades with many different personalities so variety is not an issue for dating white men over black men. And I agree with KnappilyMe if you didn't want anyone to comment on the first section of your post you shouldn't have posted it.

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