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  • Dont Have Sex! But If You Do Use A Condom.

     

    It is hard to talk to teens about sex but it harder to talk to thewm about sex, give them options and still not feel like you are encouraging them to have sex or giving them loopholes. The stakes are too high these days having a baby is the least of your worries with HIVAIDS out these. Is telling your teen about condoms a contradiction if you want them to abstein?

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    I don't think so because in reality how many kids are really going to listen to someone telling them not to do something they really want to do or try. My stance will be Don't have sex but if you do please, please, please always use condoms. I have a very young family member with HIV and hopefully that will be enough to get the point across especially because she is not sick and looks perfectly healthy hopefully other members of my family will get that u can't tell by looking at someone that they are healthy/not healthy. Right now I think if I was married I would use condoms....

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    I think telling anyone, teen or not to abstain from sex is good, but I think an upfront and honest conversation about the reasons why this is the most desirable option for them should most definitley be included. I think more people should talk about sex from a more holistic, open, and honest point of view instead of just looking at the physical aspects of sex.

    Because most folks want to believe the BS that teaching abstinence is unrealistic, I guess I'll leave the gory details for those who are ready to handle such a conversation...

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    i don't know how that's a conflicting message.

    by telling your kids "don't have sex," you are expressing your hopes that they will refrain from engaging in adult activities as minor children.

    and by telling them "but if you do, use a condom," you are simply acknowledging their free will and independence to act on their own, yet expressing your desire for them to use protection if they indeed take that course.

    i think that when we explain sex to our kids, it shouldn't be a one-time "big talk." it should be an on-going conversation that adjusts in content with their ages and levels of comprehension.

    and whether you are raising them to abstain until marriage or whether you believe that they'll probably experiment as teens or young adults, you should still make birth control a topic that coincides with the mechanics of it.

    anything less is irresponsible and neglectful on the parts of the parents.

    our children are not extensions of us. they are their own people with their own minds, their own experiences, and their own senses of logic and judgment.

    barring holding them prisoner to ensure that they'll make it into adulthood without engaging in sex, drugs, or teen parenthood, all we can do is consistently talk to them about life, peer pressure, natural urges, and other real-life issues that we know they are experiencing. we must arm them with candid facts so that they won't be able to say "i didn't know" and you'll be able to rest knowing that you didn't give your consent, but you did supply them with knowledge about every aspect of things.

    telling kids about birth control and STD protection is like insurance. insurance protects you from the unknown and unpredictable. you won't want the bad thing to happen, but if it does, you are prepared with insurance to protect you from the worst possible outcomes.

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    thunderstorm,

    thanks for replying for me :P you said exactly what i was thinking!

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    ^^^I second that.

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    The message is not conflicting, it is practical.

    Children have minds of there own. You can only try to teach them what you feel is right but they make the final decision as to what they will do. Will I teach my child to abstain? YES. Will my child abstain? Who knows (I hope so)? Is my child a fool from not abstaining? It's all relative. Is my child a fool from not using protection? YES!!!

    Premarital sex is a personal decision...the transfer of STDs, AIDS, etc is not.

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    You've received sound advice here. Know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do. I felt the same way when my oldest daughter was a teen. My sister urged me to put my daughter on the pill at 16, but I felt that doing that would be condoning (sp?) sexual activity. Although I talked to my daughter about sex often, I felt that what I DID would outweigh what I SAID. So, I didn't do it. Less than a year later, she was pregnant. It's a tough decision, but the other posters are right.

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    Talking to kids and arming them with knowledge is the best thing you can do for them. Giving them accurate information about sex and STD's is important because information received from peers can be erroneous.

    I agree with the other posters here who say this advice is practical not giving mixed messages. When I was 17, my Mum told my boyfriend at the time "I really don't want you to have sex with my daughter, but if you do make sure you use a condom" That talk terrified him but he respected her after that and most importantly he respected me and never pressured me to do anything I wasn't ready for.

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    ...

    Thank you. your whole post had me wow! Thanks for sharing.

    Thank you everyone! Love this site.

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    i mean when educating a child about themselves they should be knowledgable about all options even if you prefer them to take a different route....besides I think its always best for a child to be gain knowledge from their parents so they don't learn it from the streets....and HIV is real, not stressing condom use and/or regular testing... even if your child has sex with a guy she plans to marry and he winds up positive, that could be devastating, condoms are for people who wait and Don't wait

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