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  • Am I The Only One..

     

    this isnt to come off as holier than thou

    everyday on this board there's a new post about how somebody got dissed by their spouse, stranger, friend or family member about their natural hair. its disappointing to hear, but i often wonder why i never faced with the discrimination, the teasing, or the smart-mouthed questions/remarks... . of course i dont want it to come upon me anytime soon- but its like- if i dont get dissed about it, why are others receiving it so much and i'm living and moving just like the next person?

    iono how long i've been nappy (i never kept count)- but i cant recall a true significant time someone was blatantly rude about my hair.

    is there anybody here who HASNT got dissed about their natural hair- during and after their transition?

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    i haven't. i get the same type of comments and they burn me up. "you can go natural cuz you got that good hair". wtf! so i just respond with my usual, "oh, so you're saying my hair looks healthy? thank you. you should see all the good hair on naturality".

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    everyday on this board there's a new post about how...

    Hey girl,

    No you're not the only one. I've never been dissed to my face. I catch people staring occasionally, but in MOST instances I can't interpret stares as good or bad, merely curious and there's nothing wrong with that.

    On a few occasions, I know dang well their stares have been like "What the heck is going on with that?" But that's usually when I go out of the house looking crazy. I've decided that on my worse hair day, or undone do day, my hair looks better than most folks with dried up, fried up, dyed up stringy looking hair. So if anyone has issues with my thick nappy beautiful crazy looking hair, I could care less. And on those days, I'd be prepared to have to "go there" with anyone who would DARE crack on my hair. People must sense that cause I have yet for someone to say anything negative to me when my hair looks like that.

    On several occasions, I've had odd encounters with folks who suggest they think I'm lying about not having kinky twists. It's like they can't believe that anyone would dare sport their own nappy hair, but dang, it would really be ok if it were fake.

    Too many times to count now, people have told me I have "good" hair and that's why I can go natural.

    Usually when I absolutely least expect it, I get compliments that make me almost giddy. The other day, I was getting out of my car, when this lady walking down the side walk yells at me

    "Excuse me, ma'am? Excuse me...is that all your hair?"

    I smile and say "Yes, it is."

    "Wow," she says, "And it's all yours, all natural," she says with an aire of wonderment.

    Ok, now I'm cheesing big time.

    "It really is pretty...all that natural hair."

    "Thank you," I say.

    So overall, other than my own personal trials and tribulations, (e.g., obsessing over length, crying over breakage, and becoming secure in my own naturality, my experiences has been overwhelmingly positive.

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    If anyone's had any negative thoughts on my hair, they haven't said it to me directly. Once long ago a woman who always wore her relaxed hair very short had said she couldn't do the natural thing 'cause she got that "n-word" hair. She is now natural, probably has hair as long as mine, but she keeps it braided in extensions all the time.

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    ...

    yeah, i've gotten that a few times. and i tell them that healthy hair IS good hair. the texture doesnt make a difference

    the ONLY problem that i receive is from kids. kids got a staring problem and i hate it!

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    I've had people snicker and laugh and say things among themselves that were meant for my ears...but it has not happened that often..but I've certainly haven't had anyone come to my face and call me vicious names or verbally attack me because of my hair...like some of the threads I've seen have stated...

    sometimes I wonder if there isn't a bit of "embellishment" on a few of them... ...I mean....geez!!

    Ije

    ETA: I should have said recently or for the past few months I have been wearing my hair out...I have in the past been attacked and called every kind of nappy headed koon under the sun...but those were non-black racists, if that makes a difference....

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    kids are the worst...I have a thing about bad kids (cannot stand a kid with no home training)
    and there parents will just let them stare and stare and stare...maybe Im just old school but I was always taught that I shouldnt stare at people and get hit for it....

    sometimes I do wonder if really young kids (1-3) mistake me for a clown since clowns have fros too...I know that sounds crazy but I always wonder that in the back of my head because some kids be looking at me like Im fittin to pull out a ballon and make a giraffe with that mugg or somethig....

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    iono how long i've been nappy (i never kept count)- but i cant recall a true significant time someone was blatantly rude about my hair.

    is there anybody here who HASNT got dissed about their natural hair- during and after their transition?

    You are not alone. I have never been told anything negative about my hair. As a mattet of fact I've heard only compliments. Last week while we were at an event, I heard comments like 'stunning' and the week before at another event (predominantly white) two different people approached me to tell me I look like someone on tv. So overall my experience has always been positive.
    I also wore a bald head as a young woman and never heard anything negative.

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    don't you hate that comment?! i know i do.

    back to the OP: i dont really have any recollections of people blatantly insulting my hair, but i do know of some people who have said things that i don't like. a lot of people have suggested to straighten it, because they think i looked better back when i used to straighten it. but overall, i haven't dealt with terrible comments.. not really. i know a lot of people who would rather see me with straightened hair, but no one has really crossed the line and insulted me.

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    sometimes I do wonder if really young kids (1-3) mistake...

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    Depends on how you are defining "dissed"...I've never been called names or accosted on the street. I have had some ignorant folk snicker and make comments within my hearing. And a lady at church once asked me if I am allergic to perms . Nothing major, though.

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    crawls out of lurkdom:

    sometimes I do wonder if really young kids (1-3) mistake...

    returns to lurkdom:

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    I haven't received much negativity about my hair either. After reading some of the stories here, I was ready though!

    I've caught a few people staring, but they were admiring my twists or the fro and simply ask how I get my hair to do what it does. I think the only negative reaction to my hair I received was when I visited the U.S. last year, A lady in the beauty supply store made a nasty remark about my afto, and once I took a gander at the rat trap she was rocking, I declined to respond. Otherwise, on a daily basis, nothing negative.

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    I haven't either. At least, not directly. Everyone pretty much is on their own thing when it comes to personal style and things like that. =o)

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    Never to my face.

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    My experiences have been overwhelmingly positive as well. Once in a while someone will imply to me that they prefer straight styles over natural or do the whole "i need a perm" thing while stroking their hair in my presence. But I get compliments regularly and have had the opportunity to recommend forum to quite a few women.

    the ONLY problem that i receive is from kids. kids...

    I get stared at a LOT by teenage girls. It can be uncomfortable sometimes but I hope I'm showing by example that you can be cute rockin natural hair and not have to be relegated to a life of terrible weaves (which abound here) and tore up edges unless you got "good hair." Sometimes packs of teenagers can be aggressive and mean for no reason, but thankfully i haven't personally experienced that.

    Also, I think we have to remember that demographics play a huge part in this. Beauty standards are a little different depending on what part of the country you live in. Where I live, even though the overwhelming majority is permed, being outside of the norm isn't a big deal as long as you're still considered cute.

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    I haven't had experienced any negativity towards my hair either, well not directly. I have only received compliments.

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    I never have experienced the negativity. I've been natural my entire life.

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    Count me in - never received any negative comments. Stupid questions yes, and comments from people who are curious, yes. But I dont take offense to that.

    I actually started to think it was an American thing, but a few UK/European naps have received negativity in their respective environments, so I guess ignorance is everywhere.

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    I agree with the quote above. I'm from the south. There are natural women abound, but the overwhelming majority for "preference" (from what I've seen) is p.ermed or weaved. It seems that you're ok if you're natural and cute. If you're not both, then people have problems.

    Me personally, other than my twin sister, no one has blantantly dissed my hair in my presence. I get stares a lot. Sometimes I do get self-conscious when someone is standing close to me, but I have to remind myself that my hair looks ten times better than most of the women I see.

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    Me too! I thank God for that because I think that's part of the reason why I stayed natural my whole life while everyody else around me got p.erms. I liked being different than everybody else, being the only one with natural hair. If I had to deal with some of the stuff that others have posted about, especially during high school when I wasn't comfortable with myself as a whole, I dunno if I would have stayed natural all these years.

    Thankfully, I'm never gonna find out :P, I'm very very comfortable with myself now.

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    The only negativity I have ever recieved was from my mother and father. But that in itself has been my own personal battle thru out my entire 25 yr life is living to satisfy mommy and daddy, they have a power and control over me and buy me going natural and them not liking it was very difficulty for me because I have a very "wanting to please everyone" mentality.

    I will be natural for 2 yrs in november, but my mother made my first yr so hard for me, i was in tears constantly. But for some reason past my 1 yr mark my mother has stopped her persecution, she doesnt make sarcastic remarks anymore in fact she is a lways cornrowing the front of my hair for me. I guess she realized that this is a battle that she is not going to win, and which also means for once i stood my ground and I am so growing as a woman.

    As far as everyone else no one dares say anything to my face b/c I can get with some ppl and shut their mouths wide open

    I think the greatest compliment to me is because of my commitment and persistent effort to remain natural 3 of my close friends BC and arfe loving it, it makes me soooo proud.

    The comment that I most hate is "if I went natural my hair wouldnt look like yours" In fact one of my friends that BC recently said that to me prior to he CHop and now she is lovin her hair to the fullest, and one of the biggest advocates.

    That is my story

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    I have not been dissed, I was thinking maybe I was the only one who hasn't. I don't relate to the vent threads or that black men don't like my hair, or I got stared at by a permie.

    I don't get any flack over my hair, just admiration all the time.

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    AMEN!!! I want to tell people, oh, my hair can be like that little girl in the nursery rhyme with the curl in the middle of her forehead. When it was good it was very very good but when it's bad it's horrid.

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    I know when i was transitioning i got some but really it was something to be expected but since i've bc'd (it's new for me so i've got loads of time to get the 's) it's been all good.

    no comments cept the really the harmless ones like ole brother-in-law the other day and some jawdropping stares..........

    i'm still finding myself with the natural. i'm also trying hard not to let my own lack of self-confidence influence my perception of other people's mindsets and that includes what the may be thinking or saying about my natural styles and hair.

    i guess if the diss were in my face, similar to what samielle posted about (bald headed heffer or whateva), then i'll have to come back and blow the dust off this thread.

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    I don't get negative comments only positive. People might ask me if I press it or if I'm going to perm again and when I tell them no and I don't plan to, they don't believe me. But nobody has ever called me a nappy head Byatch. Some of the things I read on here are unbelievable. It kind of reminds me of how people are hateful towards homosexuals for no reason. Why do people's personal choices make others so angry and mean. It just doens't make sense.

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    I think it has to do with the environment you are in as well...if you are young, and hang around a lot of young, immature folk, you will get comments. If you are around a lot of siddity folk, you may get comments. The most recent negative comments I have heard (and this is was in 2005) was from a group of young white college students...I was wearing my hair out, a la Leela James, and I heard one remark that her hair looked like that when she got out of the shower...I chose to ignore it....also I got accused of having fake hair by some grown black folk who were too old to be talking that silly, imo (they were 40 somethings)...I ignored that too...my dad has made remarks about certain hairstyles, but he is very pro-natural hair; he just didn't like the faux hawk, the kinky twist extensions, or the braided puff...he and my mom prefer me in a wash and go, and they express their opinions quite frequently...I have been natural for so long that most people just know me as the natural sista, and I think I still give off an "afrocentric" vibe, so most of what I get is postive comments....or stares...lol

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    everyday on this board there's a new post about how...

    *raises hand* I havn't.

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    I think that texture can play a role as well. If your hair has some sort of curl or coilyness to it then others are apt to be a bit more accepting. I saw a huge difference when I wore my shake n go all of the time for 19 months straight. My coily pattern was prominent then but when I wore a style where my texture was combed out and the coilys weren't as prominent then the response was much more negative.

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    me? never heard anything bad, loads good though...

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